Published: July 01, 2009 10:40 pm      

SALTER: Another weeping, repentant cheater?

Go ahead, make my day

When news broke about South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford and his affair with a woman from Buenos Aires, I was in a meeting near a television set. As the story unfolded during the governor’s fascinating press conference, I said, “Whenever another one of these guys gets caught, it really brightens my day.”

A male colleague said, “These guys? You mean just guys, right?”

No, I do not mean just guys.

It is not about the cheating, which (unless I am being cheated on) is none of my business.

It is not about the lying, which (be it guy, gal, Republican, Democrat, Christian, Muslim, Jew or atheist) tends to follow cheating as night follows day.

It isn’t even about Sanford’s unique version of cheating and lying — hiking the Appalachian Trail to Argentina. After all, if Elizabeth Edwards’ public statements are any indication, Democrat John Edwards has convinced his wife he was practically mugged into bed by the woman who became his mistress.

And who can forget Newt Gingrich’s hospitalized wife getting divorce papers or Bill Clinton’s “that depends on what ‘is’ is”?

The happy-making element of the disgraced conservative Sanford is that he is the hypocrite du jour on a very long list. The tally includes such luminaries as the late Illinois Congressman Henry Hyde — with a years-long extra-marital affair he conducted in his 40s and termed a “youthful indiscretion” — and the dethroned mega-pastor, Ted Haggard, whose secret weakness turned out to be professional boy toys.

My day is made when one of these guys (or rare gal) is exposed as a cheat and liar because it ruins all the sanctimonious judging of others that preceded their fall from pseudo grace.

My glee is a reaction to pseudo grace, to the gospel according to one societal segment’s literal, dogmatic, Bible-thumping interpretation of human behavior.

It is about this societal segment force feeding its narrow “ideals” down the throats of tens of millions of us who know right from wrong but do not care to make hollering about it a national pastime.

It is about the hijacking of “family values” by pandering politicians who’ve turned the fundamentalist desires of some religious zealots into a U.S. credo that dissenters reject at their peril.

It is about Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush doing 180s into the White House on safe, legal abortion and contraception, and endangering the lives of millions of women around the world by transforming the United Nations Population Fund into a political Ping-Pong ball.

I cheer the humiliation of yet another “family values” cheerleader because family values need to be about real families that reflect 2009 America, not a 1950s ad for a kitchen appliance.

Reality: Just over half of all U.S. households consist of one married man and woman and their child or children. That means nearly half do not.

American families come in all sizes and configurations. People who do more than pontificate and condemn, who actually take the time to get to know their neighbors, coworkers and fellow parishioners, discover that the family values of non-traditional families are remarkably similar to those of traditionally grouped families.

Adults who love each other want to build stable, supportive lives together. They want commitment, honesty and respect from one another. Those who bring children into the world — or adopt someone else’s castaways — want to provide a safe, nurturing home in a safe, nurturing neighborhood. They want their kids to play and enjoy childhood, to receive a good education and quality health care that will allow them to grow and mature into productive citizens.

Just about every parent on Earth wants someday to be a grandparent.

You would never know about this vast common ground if you listened only to the steady din of divisive rhetoric from self-appointed “family values” advocates.

The noise began about three decades ago, ironically, under one of the most religious, family-oriented presidents in this nation’s history, Jimmy Carter. As documented by William Martin in his book, “With God on Our Side: The Rise of the Religious Right in America,” a grass-roots movement of disaffected conservative Christians perceived the Southern Baptist Carter as a threat to the American family.

“Left Behind” author Tim LaHaye recalled praying after meeting with Carter, “God, we have to get this man out of the White House and get someone in here who will be aggressive about bringing back traditional moral values.”

Carter’s sin? Inclusion of people from diverse backgrounds and views in his President’s Conferences on the American Family.

What kind of people? Single parents, feminists, gays, racial and ethnic minorities. Or as one angry Christian activist who eventually helped derail Carter’s conferences put it, “the social welfare establishment.”

So, in came the divorced and remarried Reagan, born-again on abortion and family planning, and big on God-talk without the burden of having to regularly attend church. And in no time, a political party that long had stood for government keeping its nose out of people’s bedrooms and bodies, as well as their boardrooms and businesses, became the know-it-all dictator of morality for all.

It’s been hypocrites du jour ever since.

A few hours after Mark Sanford’s public confession, Jon Stewart performed his usual function on The Daily Show.

Joking about all the possibilities that such mystery and deceit must portend, Stewart played the sound bite in which the governor said, “The bottom line is this: I have been unfaithful to my wife.”

Stewart reacted with an underwhelmed stare and said, “Oh … marital infidelity.”

After a pause, he added, sagely, “You’re just a run-of-the-mill human being whose simple moralizing about the sanctity of marriage is only marred by the complexities of their own life.”

• Stephanie Salter is a columnist for the Tribune-Star of Terre Haute. She can be reached at (812) 231-4229 or stephanie.salter@tribstar.com.