Since I did the same thing last December, I feel justified in calling this, my final column of 2013, the second annual Best of the Year awards. (If you ask me, there is no such thing as a “first annual” anything.)
If you read something I wrote this year, including this: thank you. Earlier this month, I officially became an award-winning journalist when I won first place for Best General Commentary in the 2013 Hoosier State Press Association Foundation Better Newspaper Contest. I couldn’t be prouder, but I also know I couldn’t have done it without my readers. Consider this my Christmas present to you.
Best supporting actor: James Franco
I haven’t gotten close to catching up on all the late-season, award-bait prestige movies I need to this year, but when I saw James Franco’s turn as Alien in Harmony Korine’s latest picture, “Spring Breakers,” I knew I had seen the best performance of 2013.
“My real name is Al, but truth be told, I’m not from this planet,” Alien tells the four main characters. “Some people? They wanna do the right thing? I like doing the wrong thing!” And indeed, this rapping, Floridian drugs and weapons dealer is a complete extraterrestrial.
“I got ‘Scarface.’ On repeat,” he tells the girls as he shows off his mansion. “‘SCARFACE’ ON REPEAT. Constant, y’all!”
Franco says he was inspired by rapper Dangeruss. Meanwhile, another rapper named Riff Raff claims he was the basis. Whatever the truth, I will have forgotten even my own name before I shake the memory the sound of Alien’s thick drawl intoning: “Spraaaang Breaaaak. Spraaaang Breaaaak, forevaaaah.”
Best justification for 3-D movies: ‘Gravity’
I love film, but I sure have hated watching 3-D movies in my lifetime. In my experience, it’s usually a tacked-on feature that forces attendees to pay higher prices. Oftentimes, the screen is far too dark. And sometimes, long stretches will be in 2-D, only to be punctuated by a 3-D action sequence, leaving the audience to wear the bulky glasses for much of the movie for no reason.