Kokomo Tribune; Kokomo, Indiana

Columns

October 14, 2013

DICK WOLFSIE: Inside jokes

Lately I’ve been home staring at the four walls … actually, all 28 walls. When you are bored, you count things. I have also been staring out each of my 16 windows.

I’ve been stuck indoors the last few weeks, so I needed to find humorous topics inside my house. Problem is that in more than 600 newspaper columns, I’ve already written about most of the rooms — including the two baths. My very first column was about the garage. Successful people like Levi Strauss and Steve Jobs began their careers with ideas conceived in the garage. This really bugs me. I have never started anything noteworthy in my garage besides my 1978 Ford Pinto when it was only 9 degrees outside. I should get some points for that. And although I did start to clean the garage once, I never finished, so I can’t take credit there.

I have also written about the basement. Well, we called it the basement until we invested a boatload of money to fix it up; then we started calling it the lower level. The plan was to make a beautiful room where we could entertain guests, sip wine and talk about good books. These days, no humans are allowed downstairs except the men from Orkin. We had a pool table, but we only used the cue sticks to wrangle cobwebs from the ceiling. The playing surface became the perfect resting area for a year’s supply of Bush’s baked beans. Each side pocket held a flashlight. Corner pockets? Duct tape, Scotch Tape, and electrical tape. We finally sold the pool table. It cost us more to get rid of it than to buy it. The area looks much more open now. But I keep tripping over the cans of beans.

After we got a new washing machine in the laundry room, I wrote about how complicated the instructions were. The buttons gave me options such as SILK, COTTON or WOOL. One setting said HAND WASH, but I wasn’t going to stick my fingers in there so I opted for Purel, instead. The setting for BIG AND BULKY scared the dog half to death. The dryer had a setting called SUPER HOT, which I told my wife was a setting especially for her. Sounds romantic, but we weren’t at a dreamy little café. We were standing knee-deep in dirty sheets and underwear.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • DAY: God trusted us with them Well, you heard about my wife and I, and our families from the past, so it is time for me to tell you about two of the prettiest girls I have ever known. They are our daughters Debbie and Patty. They are the greatest gifts from God that we have had i

    April 19, 2014

  • LoBianco: Bigger ethics questions raised in House Turner review

    Members of the House Ethics Committee who will take up Rep. Eric Turner’s case face daunting tasks as they try to answer two questions: Did their powerful colleague violate any ethics rules in privately lobbying against a measure that would have hurt his family’s business?

    April 18, 2014

  • Hicks: Measuring the unmeasurable

    One aspect of economic research I think is especially powerful is the ability to measure or monetize the things that humans clearly value but for which a market price is not necessarily apparent. This is one of the aspects of economic analysis that gives it such dominance over other social sciences.

    April 17, 2014

  • Rob Burgess House of Burgess: Bush presents 'The Art of Leadership'

    On April 5, “The Art of Leadership: A President’s Personal Diplomacy,” opened at the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum on the campus of Southern Methodist University. The display, which runs through June 3, boasts “portraits of more than two dozen world leaders” painted by Bush, according to the official literature.

    April 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • Bohanon: ‘Economics is fun’ in Vegas or in Bible study

    I am writing this on an airplane to Las Vegas. I’ll be attending the annual conference of the Association of Private Enterprise Education along with two of my colleagues and six of my students.

    April 16, 2014

  • Hayden: Want better teacher ratings? Ask the kids

    The state may be back where it started, encumbered with a flawed teacher grading system, a year after implementing what were meant to be tough new standards.
    That was the general consensus of the State Board of Education days after teacher evaluation data were released last week.

    April 15, 2014

  • BRIAN HOWEY: Mike Pence for president in 2016? Stay tuned Mike Pence for president? The swirl of 2016 national ticket talk surrounding Gov. Pence intensified over the past few weeks. I sat down with the governor in his office on Tuesday to find out what he's really thinking. A few hours prior, the Weekly S

    April 14, 2014

  • DICK WOLFSIE: Such a thing as too much My wife and I went on a binge last week. If you think I'm talking about an eating binge, you've never seen how thin we both are. If you think I mean a shopping binge, you don't know how cheap we are. And if you think it was a cleaning binge, you've n

    April 14, 2014

  • ED VASICEK: Chewing over news in bite-size vignettes Today, I am going to share a few "opinionettes" about current news items. Ready? Let's go! City prosperity The unemployment rate in the United States is down to 6.7 percent. This is its lowest level since October 2008. When I remember government effo

    April 13, 2014

  • MICHAEL HICKS: Finding measure of value One aspect of economic research I think is especially powerful is the ability to measure or monetize the things humans clearly value but for which a market price is not necessarily apparent. This is one of the aspects of economic analysis that gives

    April 13, 2014

Latest news
Featured Ads
Only on our website
AP Video
Captain of Sunken SKorean Ferry Arrested Raw: Fire Destroys 3 N.J. Beachfront Homes Raw: Pope Presides Over Good Friday Mass Raw: Space X Launches to Space Station Superheroes Descend on Capitol Mall Man Charged in Kansas City Highway Shootings Obama Awards Navy Football Trophy Anti-semitic Leaflets Posted in Eastern Ukraine Raw: Magnitude-7.2 Earthquake Shakes Mexico City Ceremony at MIT Remembers One of Boston's Finest Raw: Students Hurt in Colo. School Bus Crash Raw: Church Tries for Record With Chalk Jesus Raw: Faithful Celebrate Good Friday Worldwide Deadly Avalanche Sweeps Slopes of Mount Everest Police Arrest Suspect in Highway Shootings Drought Concerns May Hurt Lake Tourism Vermont Goat Meat Gives Refugees Taste of Home Calif. Investigators Re-construct Fatal Bus Cras Mayor Rob Ford Launches Re-election Campaign Appellate Court Hears Okla. Gay Marriage Case
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.
Obituaries
Poll
Kelly Lafferty's video on Tom Miller