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Erin's blogs
[friday] entertainment editor and Kokomo Tribune diva Erin Shultz adds her candid and offbeat comments on happenings around the globe and around the block.
Accessories — 11:45 a.m. Thursday 07.20.06
As I was heading in to work today, I checked out my purse.
Among the contents?
Four pairs of sunglasses.
Who needs — let along carries — four pairs of sunglasses at once? That is entirely too many sunglasses.
I then looked down and realized that I have enough sun protection for eight eyes, but I forgot to put on my watch this morning.
I need to find balance in my accessories.
It will be like centering my Fahsion Chi.
July 20, 2006 11:46 am
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Chew on this — 12:31 p.m. 07.17.06
I came into the office today, and there were the remnants of the Saturday shift’s weekend junk food.
(Every Saturday, the crew brings in a carry-in style meal to share. In general it involves everything that is wonderful about the Frito-Lay corporation.)
Today, there were several pieces of saltwater taffy left over.
This is a glorious example of why I am, in the strictest sense of the word, insane.
Someone once told me that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Such is my love affair with salt water taffy.
For the record, I hate salt water taffy. I know this. I don’t ever deny it.
And yet every time there is a piece of salt water taffy in front of me — and in this case I had to walk across the room to get it — I will eat it.
Every time.
Every single time.
And every single time, as I’m unwrapping the candy for 16 minutes (I can never get all the wrapper off, and I always manage to get a wad of wax paper in with my mushy candy), I know what’s going to happen next.
I will bite into it and chew for the better part of a month. Then I will swallow and wonder why someone made a candy in the flavor of banana or whether ingesting salt water is really good for a person.
Then — and here’s the best part — I will go back for seconds.
July 17, 2006 12:32 pm
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Wednesday 05.17.06: To pop or not to pop?
At what point do you stop getting pimples?
At 13, I figured you’d have ot be about 16. At 16, I figured 19. At 19, I figured 24 and now at 24, I see a long dark tunnel from now til death filled only with endless rows of pimples and blemishes.
I have developed what — if you looked quickly — could pass as a second head on the skin close to my upper lip.
it’s not just a pimple. This thing is a zit. Zits, clearly, are determined by the circumfrence of the blemish, the severity of the red hue and the number of times per hour a person is compelled to pop it.
Currently, my zit is 28 feet across, is brick red and I’ve super glued my hand to it, because I just figred it would be easier than touching it every 3.2 seconds.
May 17, 2006 01:13 pm
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Why? — 11:20 a.m. Tuesday 02.14.06
The Tribune has suicide-proof windows. I find that funny.
February 14, 2006 11:22 am
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Be my valentine? — 11:30 a.m. Tuesday 02.14.05
Most ladies I know hate Valentine's Day, whether they're in a relationship or not.
There is nothing like being alone on Valentine’s Day, because people come out of the woodwork to ruin your day.
Now, I may say this because I'm single this year. But doesn't it seem like every person you have ever met is not only in a relationship, but their significant other planned a V-Day surprise of epic proportions? Shelli From Accounting, That Creepy Guy With The Glasses From Human Resources, The Weird Neighbor with 73 Cats — they’re all got significant others and they’re parading through the town, high stepping to a marching band that follows them around while playing “All You Need Is Love.”
And everyone you know is getting flowers. Everyone. Even the people who are allergic to flowers manage to have a boyfriend or girlfriend who just doesn’t care and sends them anyway.
February 13, 2006 08:31 pm
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Super? Hardly. — 10:39 a.m. Monday 02.06.06
OK, how old will Mick Jagger have to be before he stops playing?
That performance last night was, perhaps, the worst half-time show I’ve seen in recent years.
I’m glad that we have strayed so far from entertaining that we will never have another wardrobe malfunction again, though. Children of America, your minds are safe.
Because I promise you, once the Stones got on stage, no child under the age of 13 was watching.
Although you have to give it to Keith Richards. It takes a lot to perform a half-time show from beyond the grave.
Did you see him? The man looked like one of those giant Chuck E. Cheese anamatronic animals, swaying about with a glaze over his eyes. Come to think of it, that might just be Keith Richards.
Highlights of the night: FedEx caveman commercial and the Bud Light streaking commercial. Loved them.
February 06, 2006 10:41 am
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1:33 p.m. Monday 01.09.06: I’m baaaaaaack....
I realize that it’s been a long time since I updated this blog.
Why, you ask?
Well... I came down with an exploding stomach virus that actually caused my intestines to swell to the size of a loaf of bread before they burst.
No? You’re not buying that?
OK, well the truth is that I was enrolled in the witness protection program to keep me safe from the Kokomo mafia.
No? That one doesn’t work for you either?
I was attacked by bears.
Uh-uh?
I briefly lost the ability to type...
Uh...
OK, I went on vacation. And when I left, I said to myself, “Erin, while you are on vacation, you are going to blog twice a day.”
Not once though, did I say to myself, “Erin, when you’re visiting your grandmother, keep in mind that the doesn’t own a computer and Franklin, Pa., is not known for its Internet cafes.”
Plus I was attacked by bears.
January 09, 2006 01:34 pm
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2:46 p.m. Monday 12.19.05 — Time flies
Why is it that when you have lunch with a friend, two hours passes by in about 16.4 minutes, yet when you're in a staff meeting, an hour seems like 17 months? I blame daylight saving time.
December 19, 2005 02:46 pm
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12:24 p.m. Monday 12.19.05 — The Windy City
I spent the weekend in Chicago, which may have been my favorite weekend in all of 2005. OK, well at least the fourth quarter.
I know I’m a New Yorker, and it’s blasphemy to love another any city other than NYC (just called “The City” if you live in the tri-state area). That’s why I need you guys to keep this hush-hush. I don’t want to lose my membership to the New York club. I already paid my dues for 2006.
With full understanding that we will keep this conversation on the D.L., I will tell you this: I love Chicago. I love the trains. I love the buildings. I love walking everywhere. I even loved the cold — although I might be saying that because the subzero temperatures gave me brain damage.
Seriously, I feel like I’m cheating on New York. I feel ashamed, and I have the strong urge to send New York a bouquet of flowers and clean the bathroom.
December 19, 2005 12:26 pm
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3:50 p.m. Wednesday 12.14.05 — Ring, darn it.
They say a watched coffeepot never brews. The same thing is true for your cell phone.
You know why?
Because cell phones don’t brew coffee.
But they do ring. Except, that is, when you want them to ring. It’s a freak phenomenon. Even more mystical is that when you want the phone to ring, everything sounds like your ringtone.
Everything — music on the radio, people talking, babies crying, passing airplanes. Everything.
I’ve got my ringtone set as The Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights” (except if one of my homegirls calls, then it’s Gretchen Wilson’s “Redneck Woman”). They’re two pretty distinguishable songs, and still I check my purse so many times people think I have Rainman tendencies.
Don’t even get me started about the text message sound or when I put my phone on vibrate.
Oh, shoot, gotta go. I think I heard my phone.
Nope, false alarm.
But my coffee is ready.
December 14, 2005 03:51 pm
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