Kokomo Tribune; Kokomo, Indiana

Breaking News

Features

October 10, 2013

Living with Children and parenting with boundaries

Most parents describe discipline problems like the problems in question reveal facets of their kids’

personalities: such as “strong-willed”. In nearly every instance, discipline problems with a child tell more about the parents than they do the child.

Take “my child is argumentative,” for example. Arguments between parent and child occur because the parent gives explanations for decisions he makes.

“My friend is coming over and I’d like to serve coffee and talk with her in this room, so I’d like you to pick up your toys and move to another room” is likely to evoke and “I was here first!” And the argument is on.

The form of the instruction is the problem. The parent should have simply said, “I want you to pick these toys up and move them to another room.”

Why?

Because I said so. “Yes, I know that’s horribly old-fashioned, but the use of authoritative, non-explanatory instructions along with those very “incorrect” four words prevented many an argument in those old-fashioned days.

And allow me to point out parent-child arguments benefit no one, no matter who “wins.”

“My child won’t do what he’s told” is another example of how parents fail to realize their role in a discipline problem. Children will do what they are told most of the time, that is, but that’s at least 80 percent.

The reality is most of today’s parents don’t tell. Instead, they plead, bargain, bribe, cajole, reason, explain, encourage, suggest, and promise. When none of that works, they threaten. And when that doesn’t work, they scream.

Then they feel badly and go right back to trying to be “nice,” meaning pleading, bargaining, bribing, and so on.

A “tell” is an instruction that uses the fewest words possible and, again, is devoid of explanation. A “tell” is not “I think you’ve been up long enough, and it’s obvious to me you’re getting overtired, and I

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Features
  • Food Minted Chicken Wraps [Duplicate] Minted chicken wraps Fresh mint so rarely gets its due in America. We gladly pair it with chocolate and fruit, but it almost never makes appearances in savory dishes. But the rest of the world knows better, adding it with abandon to all manner of savory dairy, vegetable

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • Amish Cook's kids clean on spring break It's already Thursday, the deadline for me to get this column out in the mail. This week our five children are home on spring break. The boys have been cleaning out the barn and hauling manure. The girls have been helping with the spring cleaning a

    April 21, 2014

  • Wilson 01 Meant to be Lowell Wilson was mesmerized by Becky Alexander’s spunky personality from the moment she asked him to pay club dues. Becky, 17, was the treasurer of Wabash Rural Youth in 1958, and it was 22-year-old Lowell’s first meeting. He was a new agriculture t

    April 20, 2014 2 Photos

  • Easter assures us God is with us We sometimes ask, “Where is God at?” The Answer: God is here and there, inside and outside. God was before the beginning, is here right now and is already in the future. God knows everything and everyone. God can do everything or God can choose to d

    April 19, 2014

  • Dress Coded-6 [Duplicate] Dress coded EVANSTON, Ill. (AP) — They're called leggings — popular fashion items that are tight-fitting pants to some, and glorified tights to others. Younger girls often wear them as pants with little fuss. But as those same girls approach middle school, leggi

    April 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • Homes-White Paint-6 [Duplicate] Different shades of white NEW YORK (AP) — So you want to paint a room white. Sounds easy, until you go to the hardware store to buy paint and discover there are dozens of whites to choose from. Many have familiar yet poetic names that conjure up ever-so-slightly different hue

    April 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Mom worries about son who set fire to mouse Q: My 18-year-old son and a slightly younger friend recently found some mice and decided to dispose of them. They drowned one and set the other one on fire. When I confronted my son for torturing animals, his response was "They're just mice."

    April 17, 2014

  • Dress Coded [Duplicate] Dress codes: Where should schools set limits? EVANSTON, Ill. (AP) — They're called leggings — popular fashion items that are tight-fitting pants to some, and glorified tights to others. Younger girls often wear them as pants with little fuss. But as those same girls approach middle school, legg

    April 16, 2014 4 Photos

  • Fewer pro athletes missing birth of children Tony Perez was on the road with the Cincinnati Reds in 1966 when he got the call that his first child was on the way. There was no discussion about leaving the team to attend Victor's birth, no such thing as paternity leave. "They didn't give you any

    April 16, 2014

  • Exchange Be The Match [Duplicate] Be the match JEFFERSONVILLE (AP) — When Phil Meeks went to the doctor for shortness of breath and a burning in his legs, he expected nothing more than a routine diagnosis. "I was a smoker, so I thought, it's probably my smoking," said Meeks, a 47-year-old Jeffers

    April 15, 2014 1 Photo

Latest news
Featured Ads
Only on our website
AP Video
Raw: Fire Engulfs Tower Block in China Ocean Drones Making Waves in Research World Breakfast Foods Are Getting Pricier Raw: Ferry Captain Received Medical Treatment Hundreds Gather for Denver Pot Rally on Easter Transcript Reveals Confusion in Ferry Evacuation Raw: More Than 100,000 Gather for Easter Sunday Raw: Greeks Celebrate Easter With "Rocket War" Police Question Captain, Crew on Ferry Disaster Raw: Orthodox Christians Observe Easter Rite Raw: Four French Journalists Freed From Syria
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.
Obituaries
Poll
Kelly Lafferty's video on Tom Miller