Kokomo Tribune; Kokomo, Indiana

Breaking News

[friday]

August 16, 2013

Feeling hot, hot, hot

(Continued)

Kokomo —

“I want to watch this one.”

Then moments later, my eyes started watering before the straight-to-the-tomb finger food was even in my peripheral vision.

There they were, in all their innocent-glory packaged with the raging ruination of my taste buds.

I became prepared, Bartender Toni handed me a glass of water served with a facial reaction that said: “This girl is nuts, and I get a front row seat to whatever happens next.”

She reached her arm out slowly to lower the water in front of me, indicating that there is a legitimate reason for her cautionary approach.

Simultaneously I hear from the kitchen, “Water is not going to help her.”

Well, crap. Here we go, folks.

12:06 p.m.: Bite into an edible object that tastes like an entire oven. OH.MY.GOSH. [That’s at least the the professionally appropriate response, so I’m stickin’ to it].

12:06 to 12:08: I have no clue what happened.  Seriously, no clue.

12:09: Bartender Toni says, “Look at that face!” She automatically refills my water, as my body is expelling fluids through my forehead and my eyes. I lost my left contact during this ordeal. Yes, my left contact fell out. I couldn’t touch my face because it was covered in the nonsense that had engulfed every pore of my body and was simultaneously breathing out fire.

12:10: Thoughts: OH DEAR LORD, IT’S GETTING WORSE!!! If you think it’ll only last a few seconds, think again. There’s this moment where it subsides, but it’s like the quiet before the storm. It’s like your body is saying, “Oh, you fool. You thought this would be a good story…” right before your nervous system sets your lips on fire, makes your eyes water more, then turns on the faucet for your nose. If you think about wiping your nose with the back of your hand, think again. That little patch of your face that your fingers brushed will be reminding you how ridiculous you are when it’s still simmering 10 minutes later. Also, if you think it’s bad manners to wipe your nose on your hand, it is. But, you also forget your middle name during something like this, so good luck with remembering Miss Manner’s rules.

12:11: I Googled how to survive such a task prior to this heated event, in case this moment happened. I found that what happens next wasn’t as helpful as my Google results said it would be. I caught a breath long enough to make a request: “Milllkkkkk, pleeeeaaaase.” And, there you have it. I’m a 27-year-old. At a bar. Drinking milk.

Lindsay Eckert

[friday] editor/ Can’t take the heat

Text Only | Photo Reprints
[friday]
  • Marques Bunn Kokomo native returning for hometown comedy show A comedian who grew up in Kokomo is back in his hometown performing all weekend – his second time here this year.Marques Bunn opens for longtime friend and fellow comedian Troy Davis at Laugh House Kokomo downtown. There are shows at 8 p.m. today and

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • This week's best bets 1) Rockin' in the park Stray Cat, Lee Rocker and Band performs a free show Saturday night at Foster Park, so don't miss it. The show goes from 7 to 10:30 p.m. and features special guests Tony Funk and the Homewreckers. Lee Rocker made his mark singin

    July 18, 2014

  • Editor's Picks 1) The Nutcracker Show Ron White performs his Nutcracker show at Honeywell Center in Wabash Saturday night. Ron “Tater Salad” White first rose to fame as the cigar-smoking, scotch-drinking funnyman from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Now, as a chart-t

    July 18, 2014

  • Ziliak, Lindsey Searching for my lovable goof He busted a move on the dance floor while wearing a woman’s straw hat, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. They say that girls want to marry men like their fathers. For years, I swore that wasn’t true. Then one day I realized it actually was. That means

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Editor's Picks 1) Everyone's favorite ogre Footlite Musicals in Indianapolis presents Shrek the Musical at 8 p.m. today and Saturday at 1847 N. Alabama St. The musical, based on the Oscar winning DreamWorks film that started it all, brings the hilarious story of ev

    July 11, 2014

  • This week's best bets 1) Fair Entertainment Check out local acts Shiny Penny, Mike Milligan and Steam Shovel and The Time Travelers at the Howard County 4-H Fair throughout the weekend. Mike Milligan and Steam Shovel and The Time Travelers take the stage tonight, with Mik

    July 11, 2014

  • NWS - duckderby 33 Rubber ducks are back at Kokomo Beach On Thursday 2,000 tiny, rubber ducks will race down the lazy river at Kokomo Beach to raise money for an organization that may be one of Kokomo’s best-kept secrets. Jamey Henderson said there are still many people who don’t know what Samaritan Caregi

    July 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Trapeze Flying high at the circus

    Carson Gerber takes a less-than-graceful turn on the trapeze.

    July 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • This week's best bets 1) Live music downtown Bands will perform live at Foster Park all weekend as part of the Haynes Apperson Festival, celebrating Kokomo's heritage. Crowd favorite Here Come the Mummies perform tonight with special guest 26 West. Bands take the stage at

    July 4, 2014

  • LNS - KT070414 - Editor's Picks - LMZ Editor's Picks 1) Canal Days Celebrate Canal Days in Delphi Saturday. Events run from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Wabash and Erie Canal. Throughout the day the public is invited to participate in period correct “pick up” cricket matches, narrated and demonstrated by a

    July 4, 2014 1 Photo

Latest news
Featured Ads
Only on our website
AP Video
Raw: Families Travel to Taiwan Plane Crash Site Arizona Execution Takes Almost Two Hours Gen. Odierno Discusses Ukraine, NATO at Forum Gaza Fighting Rages Amid Cease-Fire Efforts Mint Gives JFK Coin a Face-lift Creative Makeovers for Ugly Cellphone Towers Ariz. Inmate Dies 2 Hours After Execution Began Crash Kills Teen Pilot Seeking World Record LeBron James Sends Apology Treat to Neighbors Raw: Funeral for Man Who Died in NYPD Custody Migrants Back in Honduras After US Deports Israeli American Reservist Torn Over Return Raw: ISS Cargo Ship Launches in Kazakhstan Six Indicted in StubHub Hacking Scheme Former NTSB Official: FAA Ban 'prudent' EPA Gets Hip With Kardashian Tweet Bodies of MH17 Victims Arrive in the Netherlands Biden Decries Voting Restrictions in NAACP Talk Broncos Owner Steps Down Due to Alzheimer's US, UN Push Shuttle Diplomacy in Mideast
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.
Obituaries
Poll
Kelly Lafferty's video on Tom Miller