Kokomo Tribune; Kokomo, Indiana

[friday]

October 5, 2012

You talking to me?

Kokomo — It’s been a rough week. It seems I got problems coming out my ears.

I just found out my tax return was rejected, and Amazon and PayPal say my accounts have been hijacked. To make matters worse, my phone provider and bank have both shut down my accounts.

What am I going to do?

Well, there are several companies wanting to give me cash advance loans at a killer rate. Maybe it’ll all work out. Regardless, I never should have checked my email today; this is just depressing.

Oh wait, I’m in my spam folder.

There are some things in life that are just scary, and checking your spam folder is one of them. You never know what’s lurking in there, but you have push through and just do it. As soon as you don’t, something important will inadvertently be trashed by the spam filter.

Smart people keep their email addresses as private as possible. For me, I have an email address that I use only for things that I know will result in spam; such as, when you’re registering for an online site and it requires an email to register. The spam radar goes off and I hand over my covert address. I thought about naming it idontwantyourstupidspam@email.com, but I thought I should be a little nicer than that.

Working at a newspaper, though, our email addresses are published all over the place. As a result, our spam folders are overflowing with useless bits of junk.

It’s not all bad, I guess. Turns out there’s a person who has a crush on me. I just have to click on the link provided to connect with him (I’m assuming it’s a him). I always knew Prince Charming used emails and not white horses to impress the ladies.

But in most cases, the spammers clogging my email seem to be confused about who I am. They seem to think I’m a very popular male who gets a lot of undeliverable faxes.

Fortunately, one very important message was delivered successfully. I have inherited an obscenely large sum of money from an Arabian prince I didn’t know I was related to.

This just might be my last column. It seems my ship has finally come in.

 

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