Mayor of Kokomo
Tea party’s simple plan for America
If you’ll vote for us — the tea party Republicans — and go along with our simple plan, we’ll end abortions, end the use of contraceptives, end gay rights, and allow you to have as many munitions as you’d like.
Our simple plan:
Go without food. You and your family will eat less. It’ll give you incentive to get off your butts and work harder. We’ll help you by taking away food stamps and any other food assistance programs.
Go without health care. You’ll work harder to find a job that provides health care. We’ll help you by taking away affordable health care. You’ve done without it for decades. You can go to the emergency room or just stay home and rest permanently.
Go without a job or take a pay cut, if you work in the public sector. We’ll help by terminating your employment or reducing your pay in order to help reduce the deficit.
Go without money to pay your bills. We’ll help you by taking away any unemployment extension. You’ll work harder to find that slave-wage job.
Go to work at two minimum wage jobs and stay in a homeless shelter. We’ll help by not increasing the minimum wage and, while we’re at it, eliminate the minimum wage altogether. You’ve worked for slave wages for years, so this is nothing new.
Go to war for us. To help out, we’ll make war our first priority. No more senseless negotiation. As a veteran, you’ll have our thanks, but no benefits.
Your vote and adherence to our simple plan is appreciated.