Kokomo Tribune; Kokomo, Indiana

Opinion

October 14, 2013

DICK WOLFSIE: Inside jokes

Lately I’ve been home staring at the four walls … actually, all 28 walls. When you are bored, you count things. I have also been staring out each of my 16 windows.

I’ve been stuck indoors the last few weeks, so I needed to find humorous topics inside my house. Problem is that in more than 600 newspaper columns, I’ve already written about most of the rooms — including the two baths. My very first column was about the garage. Successful people like Levi Strauss and Steve Jobs began their careers with ideas conceived in the garage. This really bugs me. I have never started anything noteworthy in my garage besides my 1978 Ford Pinto when it was only 9 degrees outside. I should get some points for that. And although I did start to clean the garage once, I never finished, so I can’t take credit there.

I have also written about the basement. Well, we called it the basement until we invested a boatload of money to fix it up; then we started calling it the lower level. The plan was to make a beautiful room where we could entertain guests, sip wine and talk about good books. These days, no humans are allowed downstairs except the men from Orkin. We had a pool table, but we only used the cue sticks to wrangle cobwebs from the ceiling. The playing surface became the perfect resting area for a year’s supply of Bush’s baked beans. Each side pocket held a flashlight. Corner pockets? Duct tape, Scotch Tape, and electrical tape. We finally sold the pool table. It cost us more to get rid of it than to buy it. The area looks much more open now. But I keep tripping over the cans of beans.

After we got a new washing machine in the laundry room, I wrote about how complicated the instructions were. The buttons gave me options such as SILK, COTTON or WOOL. One setting said HAND WASH, but I wasn’t going to stick my fingers in there so I opted for Purel, instead. The setting for BIG AND BULKY scared the dog half to death. The dryer had a setting called SUPER HOT, which I told my wife was a setting especially for her. Sounds romantic, but we weren’t at a dreamy little café. We were standing knee-deep in dirty sheets and underwear.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Opinion
  • Treasure the life you have I was asked by a reader what my thought on what life is for me in my late years. So here I go with some of my thoughts, but don’t think I am just making them up as I go. Life to me is the time between the day I was born and the day that I am called h

    August 23, 2014

  • Cheers and Jeers Taste of Kokomo accommodationSusie and Andy Castner send this Cheer:“A cheer to Randy Morris, City of Kokomo Park Supt. for accommodating our family for the David Cook concert at Taste of Kokomo. It made it so much easier for our mom to get to seatin

    August 23, 2014

  • State challengesfederal government Recently, some have questioned why the State of Indiana has brought lawsuits against our federal government. While this litigation is adversarial by nature, it is a necessary part of our constitutional process. What distinguishes the U.S. Constitutio

    August 23, 2014

  • Aug. 23: Letters to the Editor Paying for lack of leadershipThe salaries of the Board of County Commissioners and the complete funding of the Local Economic Development Organization, is from taxes paid by the residents of Tipton County. The actions of these two entities are unacce

    August 23, 2014

  • Smoking ordinance misguided As a subscriber to the printed edition of the Kokomo Tribune, and a non-smoker, I was very interested upon seeing a page one article in the Aug. 13 edition titled “City-wide ban on smoking revealed.” After reading the article, my interest was peaked

    August 22, 2014

  • Why government openness matters Failing to share information makes us weaker. It enfeebles congressional oversight, which is a cornerstone of representative democracy and which, when aggressively carried out by fully informed legislators, can strengthen policy-making. One of the fu

    August 22, 2014

  • Aug. 22: Letters to the Editor Rokita wrong on GMOsThe Aug. 13 Tribune article about Rokita’s “Town Hall Meeting” left out a key issue — Rokita’s co-sponsorship of HR4432. This bill would ban mandatory labeling of currently genetically modified foods and prohibit any state from en

    August 22, 2014

  • Use the law to save lives As college students head back to campus, it’s a good time to remind them of the Indiana Lifeline Law.When the General Assembly passed the law two years ago, the goal was to encourage minors to call for help by giving them immunity from being prosecut

    August 22, 2014

  • It's time to deal with crisis For five and a half years, the president has gone around Congress to ignore, defy and alter laws in a variety of areas, from Obamacare implementation to issuing excessive new labor and environmental rules to infringing on religious freedom. It is no

    August 21, 2014

  • Nation must be united On Aug. 9, unarmed 18-year-old Michael Brown was shot at least six times, including twice in the head, by a police officer. Since that time, protestors and unrest have filled the streets of Ferguson, Missouri, a town near St. Louis.A similar scenario

    August 21, 2014

Featured Ads
Only on our website
AP Video
Furry Roommates: Dorms Allowing Cats and Dogs Chase Rice Defends Bro-Country 'Jersey Shore Massacre' Pokes Fun at MTV Series Raw: Wash. Mudslides Close Roads, Trap Motorists DC's Godfather of Go-Go Honored Ukraine Calls Russian Convoy a 'direct Invasion' Girl Meets Her 'one in the World' Match Coal Gas Boom in China Holds Climate Risks Japan Landslide Rescuers Struggle in Heavy Rain Raw: Severe Floods, Fire Wrecks Indiana Homes Endangered Red Wolves Face Uncertain Future Raw: Russian Aid Convoy Arrives in Ukraine Okla. Policeman Accused of Sex Assaults on Duty Dominican Republic Bans Miley Cyrus Concert Raw: Israeli Air Strike in Gaza Raw: Bodies of MH17 Victims Arrive in Malaysia Attorney: Utah Eatery Had Other Chemical Burn
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.
Obituaries
Poll