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DEAR ABBY

Wedding plans reveal deep divide for couple

DEAR ABBY: Against my better judgment, I agreed to allow my parents to pay for our upcoming wedding. It was something they pretty much insisted upon. My fiance was upset by my decision because he fears I’m in collusion with them to make a big show of it.

For the last 10 months he has been suggesting we nix the religious ceremony and get married privately. I am hurt because while I don’t want a big party, I have always wanted a full ceremony with my friends and family. I have been trying to assuage his fears because I know he will appreciate the wedding on the day of, but he feels neglected. How can we compromise so that neither of us feels resentful? — PARTY OF TWO

DEAR PARTY: If you and your fiance haven’t had premarital counseling — and it’s apparent from your letter that you haven’t — I urge you to get some right away. The two of you are encountering serious issues that need to be resolved BEFORE your wedding. That he doesn’t trust you and feels you might be conspiring with your parents against him is a huge red flag.

When he says he wants to “nix the religious ceremony,” is he talking about the religious aspect of it — or what he perceives to be a circus surrounding it? If it’s the former, it could affect the way you raise your children. If a compromise can be reached, counseling will help you to determine what you may need to do next. Please don’t wait. Start now.

DEAR ABBY: For a long time, I have been in love with a man who is 15 years younger than I am. We had a relationship for about a year, which ended six years ago. Since then, we have remained friends and occasionally hooked up a few times. The short relationship we had was close to perfect. He broke it off with me because he said he couldn’t give me the relationship I really wanted and I would end up resenting him or even hating him for it.

Although I didn’t understand that when he said it, I understand now he was right. The problem is, I cannot seem to get over him. I’ve had two unsuccessful relationships since. They weren’t the same as it was with him. I don’t know what to do.

A few months ago, I cut off everything with him, and we haven’t talked in many months. It’s not working! I’m still in love with him and can’t get him out of my head. I mentioned the age difference because I had a hard time with it, but he didn’t. What else can I do? I’m afraid to start anything with someone new. — HOPELESS IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOPELESS: What you are describing is painful, but it’s happening because you haven’t accepted the reason the two of you broke up. He said he couldn’t give you the relationship you really wanted — whatever that was. You are not in love with this man. You are in love with the fantasy of the person you wanted him to be. Once that fact is firmly in place in your head, you’ll be able to move forward, although it may take help from a licensed psychotherapist to accomplish it. Whatever it takes, please do it, so you can start living your life

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

Singer-songwriter Garland Jeffreys is 78. Actor Gary Busey is 77. Comedian Richard Lewis is 74. Rock singer Don Dokken (Dokken) is 68. Rock singer Colin Hay (Men At Work) is 68. Actress Maria Conchita Alonso is 66. Actress Kimberlin Brown (“The Bold and the Beautiful”) is 60. Actress Sharon Lawrence (“NYPD Blue”)  is 60. Actress Melora Hardin (“The Office”) is 54. Actress Christina Chang is 50. Rap DJ and record producer DJ Shadow is 49. Singer Nicole Scherzinger is 43. Comedian-writer Colin Jost is 39. Actress Lily Rabe is 39. Actress Camila Mendes (“Riverdale”) is 27.

TODAY'S HOROSCOPE

Doors will open if you make a point to attend online meetings. Communication can become spirited, but will also help you resolve issues that have been pending for some time. Make a lifestyle adjustment that helps you be more patient with others.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) — Someone will take advantage of you or steal your ideas. Don’t share personal information. Be prepared to make a change if it means learning something new and exciting.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) — Look before you leap. Nothing will be as it appears. Ask questions, consider your budget, and make sure an offer is solid and the information you receive is accurate. You must put in the work if you want the rewards.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Focus more on what you can do yourself and less on what others say they can do for you. It’s up to you to do whatever is in your power to achieve the success you want.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Concentrate on what will bring in the highest return. An intelligent approach to learning, planning and working will pay off. Make decisions based on facts, not on assumptions.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Take the necessary steps to get out of a rut. Focus on how to turn your space into a place of peace and solitude. Build your vision instead of dreaming about how you want your life to unfold.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Put your heart and soul into self-improvement. Monitor your behavior and the people who influence you the most. Aim to prioritize what’s essential and to minimize bad habits.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Learn from experience, and you will make better decisions regarding friendships. Choose to take on tasks that make a difference. Use your unique talents to prosper.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Finish what you start before you jump into something new. Make adjustments that are conducive to getting more done in a shorter period. Preparation will be crucial.

PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20) — Make the appropriate changes at home to ensure that everything runs smoothly. Don’t let complications set in because you neglected to reveal vital information.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) — Putter around the house, make some decorative alterations that lift your spirit, and stay out of trouble. Put your energy where it will do some good; arguing and overdoing it are discouraged.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) — Do what you can to help, but don’t let anyone take advantage of you. An opportunity to pick up information will be apparent. Do your own thing. If you follow someone, you’ll be disappointed.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) — Be cautious when dealing with others. Emotions will surface if someone misleads you. Show discipline and know when to say no. Focus on personal growth and learning.

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

By Chuck Sheppard

People With Issues: Edward and Cheryl Patton of Lake View, New York, tried for three years to identify who was throwing used paper coffee cups — some with cigarette butts inside — on their front yard nearly every night, but they could never get a good look at the minivan as it drove by. Edward began keeping records of the littering and collecting the cups, eventually filling 10 garbage bags, reported The Buffalo News. They even installed a surveillance camera, but it wasn’t until neighbors set up a stakeout and captured the license plate number that the mystery was solved. On April 18, police set up their own stakeout and pulled over Larry Pope, 76, a former co-worker of Cheryl’s whom she had had disagreements with. Pope was charged with harassment and throwing refuse onto a roadway. The Pattons said the littering has stopped since his arrest.

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