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Musician in multiple bands complicates scheduling needs

DEAR ABBY: I am in a rock band with some friends. All of us are in our 50s and 60s. We have been playing together for the last three years. Last year, our bass player joined another band (while staying in ours) because another friend was in it, but they broke up because of COVID. Now that music venues are opening up again, he has joined yet another group.

I’m a loyal guy, and it bothers me that he doesn’t seem as loyal to our band. He says he can easily do both, but for me, it causes booking issues because the other band will be blocking out dates that we might be able to book. I see no other conflicts. He even asked if I was interested in joining the other band, too, because he figured that if he can’t be in two places at once, it might as well be both of us. Should we cut our losses and replace him? Loyalty is really important to us. — ROCKING ON IN TEXAS

DEAR ROCKING ON: Because you feel that loyalty is paramount and your friend may have scheduling conflicts because of his participation with the other band(s), yes, he should be replaced with a musician you can rely on.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who feels a need to correct the behavior of others by writing letters. There are not too many businesses around town that haven’t received one of her letters and, no doubt, others in her circle of friends have, too.

After a misunderstanding for which I apologized, I received one of them. Because she lacks understanding or the ability to forgive, a vitriolic diatribe came my way. In her letter, she related past “unfortunate (in her opinion) ill behaviors on my part for which I should be ashamed.” Then she ended a friendship we had for many years without trying to mend the relationship. This is very hurtful for me, and I’m sure for others. How does one respond, if at all, to something like this? — SUFFERING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SUFFERING: One does not respond. One copes by recognizing that the only person this unhappy woman is punishing is herself, as her circle of friends diminishes and businesses around town no longer welcome her.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently asked me if she could take off her wedding ring in favor of wearing her mother’s, which is much larger than the one I gave her. I regard it as a lack of respect for our marriage, which has been under a lot of stress for a long time. (No affairs.) I also view it as symbolic of how much she has financially sacrificed being married to me. What do you think? — WONDERING IN THE EAST

DEAR WONDERING: I “think” you should tell your wife it would hurt you deeply if she follows through, and why. I also think the time has come for the two of you to talk about what is “stressing” your marriage with a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


Actress Ann Robinson (“War of the Worlds”) is 92. Country singer-songwriter Tom T. Hall is 85. Actor Ian McKellen is 82. Country singer Jessi Colter is 78. Actress-singer Leslie Uggams is 78. Movie director and Muppeteer Frank Oz is 77. Actress Karen Valentine (“Room 222”) is 74. Rock singer Klaus Meine (The Scorpions) is 73. Actress Connie Sellecca is 66. Rock singer-musician Paul Weller is 63. Actor-comedian Mike Myers is 58. Actress Anne Heche is 52. Actress Octavia Spencer is 51. Actress Molly Sims is 48. Actor Cillian Murphy is 45. Olympic gold medal gymnast Aly Raisman is 27.


Streamline your vision. Take on only what you know you can handle. Stay focused on the result you want to reach, and refuse to let outsiders interfere. A simple lifestyle will help you find the most efficient route from one point to another. Invest in your skills and future.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) — Focus is the name of the game, and temptation is the hurdle you’ll have to overcome. Be a straight shooter, and demand the same from others. Figure out what you’re up against, and what you have to do.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) — Step out of your comfort zone and make changes that will encourage you to follow your heart. Be creative and incorporate what you feel passionate about into your routine.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) — Assess a situation before you respond to it. Your emotions will be difficult to control if you let your imagination run wild. Don’t make an assumption; find out what’s going on.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Learn as you go, and don’t stop until you reach your objective. Someone will try to outmaneuver you if you don’t use your ingenuity to stay on top of your game.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Do a good job, and you’ll reap the rewards. Ensure that you have covered every angle and have left nothing to chance. Discipline, hard work and charisma will be necessary.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — A personal improvement will help you raise your income. Add to your skills. Don’t feel you that you must pay for others or buy love or acceptance. Find something you can offer to others.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Get your facts straight before you engage in an emotional encounter with someone close to you. Concentrate on how best to stabilize a situation that has the potential to run amok.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Self-improvement will pay off, but extravagance could be your downfall. Don’t let temptation lead you astray or allow anyone to take advantage of you. A domestic change will turn out better than anticipated.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Question everything and everyone. Look at the possibilities and how best to take advantage of a situation without going overboard. Balance and equality be necessary.

PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20) — Leave nothing to chance when dealing with institutions, government agencies or finances. A smooth talker will lead you astray. Don’t trust anyone with your money.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) — An offer or partnership will not be as it appears. Dig deep to find out what underlying expectations someone has before you agree to get involved.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) — Stay focused on what you want to achieve. The changes you make and the people you associate with will determine how well you do. Protect your reputation.


By Chuck Sheppard

Home Sweet Home: Vietnam veteran Tom Garvey, 78, of Ambler, Pennsylvania, has released a new memoir, not about his service in Southeast Asia, but about the “secret apartment” he maintained for two years in an empty concession stand in Philadelphia’s Veterans Stadium, once home to both the Phillies and the Eagles, reported The Philadelphia Inquirer. From 1979 to 1981, Garvey lived in an “off-the-wall South Philly version of the Phantom of the Opera,” he said, furnishing the apartment with a bed, sink, refrigerator, stereo, coffeemaker, hot plate and seating for guests, who included players’ wives waiting for their husbands after games. Leftover Astroturf served as the carpeting. Cousin Terry Nilon said being in Garvey’s apartment, located literally in leftfield, felt like “Vet stadium was in his living room.”

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